Wednesday, April 21, 2010

april 21, 2010


 Robert D. Wilson's
The Wonderland Amusement Park

"In the sky, there's no distinction of
east and west; people create
distinctions out of their own minds
and then believe them to be true."
Buddha

the egg
inside her, has
no shadow

robert d. wilson
©2010




"One can not reflect in 
streaming water.  Only
those who know
internal piece can
give it to others."

Lao Tze

to absorb,
listen,without
       illusion . . .
the graceful waltz
of a lily's blossom

robert d. wilson
©2010

When one is not satisfied and uses deception to obtain satisfaction, his illusion becomes delusion.  The world is full of actors and actresses, users, who play a role to get what they want.  When they see that you're hurt,depressed, or unsatisfied, they come to you posing as a someone who genuinely cares. With open ears, they radiate compassion. They use your weakness to their advantage . . . but like any good actor, they prepare for the role, do their homework, memorize lines, and have the ability to read an audience, sensing response or lack of response, they adjust their acting to gain the desired result.

And who's fault is it that we allow this to happen?  When we want something badly, impatience becomes our worse enemy, the con artist's best friend.  We need to seek our own answers as to who we are, because to others we are simply illusion they only think they know.

"You are your own teacher.
Looking for teachers can't 
solve your debts.
Investigate yourself to find
the truth --- inside, not
outside.  Knowing yourself
is most important."
Buddha
the wind
on the trees . . . a white
butterfly
robert d. wilson
©2010

I am. You are.  The products of what we think, we are artists . . . what some people like, others do not. What others think of us are lessons to be studied but not to emulate. We are in a constant state of metamorphosis . . . the less we talk and the more we listen, the wiser we become and the wiser we become, the less we know.  Like Issa, the Japanese haiku poet, we are on a journey.  There is more to life than what is  or has been spoken.  We've all experienced pain, depression, and other harsh teachers . . . now is the time to ride above the ashes on the wings of no one's whispers . . . empty your mind, toss the preconceptions, and be . . . be what?  Be.  I can, you can only be who we are . . . they can clone a man but not his soul. Imagine a world of soulless creations.  

        summer wind . . .
old egret and other
pressed petals

robert d. wilson
©2010

What is time? What is ambition? A million "whats" and the only answers to these questions and more come from our thoughts . . . our thoughts are paintings painted in
our cerebral cortexes via brushes dipped in imagination.  I can choose to be mad at a person who I considered to be my enemy and seek revenge or make myself sick thinking about what she did or didn't do, but for what? Am I making my life better?  Am I making another's life better or worse, as if the enemy gives a damn, or feels remorse.
My anger, sadness, however I choose to express and paint my thoughts, are just that, thoughts; illusionary to anyone else as they cannot fathom or enter my mind or know why I think this way or that, kind of like a freeway jam, people going in a thousand directions, all in a hurry to go nowhere, heavy traffic, weaving through a poorly engineered maze, or one designed by an engineer on LSD, missing turn-offs, going in circles, and thinking, thinking, thinking, Pablo Picasso on Meth.  What to do? Honk your horn? Blow your top, mumble to yourself, your heart beating faster, head throbbing, fingers stuttering?


      "The mind is everything. What you think, you are."

        Buddha

what others
think wading through
       rice fields . . .
the ruffled feathers
of a white heron

robert d. wilson
©2010

to absorb,
listen, without
illusion . . . 
the graceful waltz
of a lily's blossom

the egg
inside her has
no shadow


flashback . . . 
i won't follow the
white heron
until tomorrow when
the ground stops trembling

tired woman . . . 
searching for the
right mirror


incoming 
rocket, the shrill screech
of a peacock,
plucked of his feathers
for an old woman's hat


crawling on
my tongue, the words I
couldn't say


i didn't
sleep last night, your
dreams bathing
me in words i
just now understand


no longer 
homeless, a brother
to the moon


my slate?
to rake today into
a corner
and cough, spilling words
into teacups


dried fish . . . 
nanay sings arched
back ballads


will i 
get to breathe deeply . . . 
inhale the
universe without 
turning pages?


summer breeze . . . 
a song bird preening
her feathers


will she
remember the dress
i bought her . . . 
when her skin formed
adam between seasons


look, workers 
are laying down
their hoes!

zilch when it
comes to common
interests . . . 
a black push up bra;
ma haiku; stoic herons


I write long free verse poems too:
the better the meter the more memorable


it 
will
take
a 
lifetime
to fathom 
the 
why 
or 
how 
we met
and
fell
      in 
 love
each of us
song birds
from
different 
paddies
the air thick 
with the scent
of 
ulam 
and 
       angst . . .
the sky 
thick
with portends
from east and west
buddha and gods
our field 
of vision
blinded
at first 
by
a
flash 
from another's
rifle
and 
when the
smoke clears
we 
are 
wearing
each 
other's 
wings

heron, to
dive deep and stand still . . . 
morning prayer

the river
behind our home, reads
til dawn . . . 
when bamboo fronds
tickle the clouds

  
summer breeze . . . 
a song bird preening 
her feathers


in a
tomorrow turned
upside down . . . 
no second hands
or black spiders


the cockroach
scurries through changes . . . 
steadfast


we merge, our
minds making love with
thoughts we breathe . . . 
the daily news folded
into paper cranes


i'd love to
paint inside your mind . . . 
curled ferns


only the
moon knows how we
feel at night
when dreams come alive
and wait, wait for me


robert d. wilson
©2010


Monday, April 5, 2010

April 5, 2010

















Robert D. Wilson's
"The Wonderland Amusement Park"

will the
cheshire cat smile at
me like a
leftover moon
on leave from his senses?

robert d. wilson
©2010





i feared the
darkness that cradled me,
and listened
to teardrops sweep
away the sea

robert d. wilson
©2010

"Be kind, for everyone
you meet is fighting a
hard battle."

Plato

The other day on Facebook, I asked a well meaning question that, to my surprise, lit the embers of a woman who made it her mission then and there to chastise and deride me publicly, even those she's never met or spoke with me publicly. I'd read a chapter in the 1970's in the book, Utopian Motherhood, that has plagued me ever since. The author talked about the public's perception of artists. He said many non-artists, those seduced by the media into following the herd to feel a sense of belonging and safety, think of artists as mentally unsound, oftentimes disturbed, rebellious, abnormal (whatever that means) and eccentric, if not teetering on the edge of madness.  


Most artists, those not using this year's popular colors or colloquialisms, are free spirited people who view life differently.  To them, if everything were black and white, there would be no need for art, as art is not black and whit. It sets no boundaries. It's akin to being a crew mate on the  Starship Enterprise, exploring an eternity without end, never knowing where it will lead them  Picasso could never do what he did at the turn of the 20th Century when he followed Nietzche's advice, destroying beauty to create a completely alien kind of beauty, in life and in his relationships with women, as one of  Cubism's pioneers. What he did in the beginning of the 20th century was light years away from anyone's norm, then or now. At first he paid the price for his so called social deviation, the object of ridicule and ostracism, selling few paintings, and thought of as an insane young man. Yet he was secure enough in his ability to see and feel what most do not sense or see, that he continued what most called a downward path, yet he forged a new path for the art world, and his paintings before and after his death cost millions of dollars to purchase, and crowds at modern art museums but tickets in advance to attend showings of his original works.  In a period of 12 years, beginning at the age of 14, he went from painting Primera Comunion to Avignon. Picasso left home and went to Paris, a haven at the time for intellectuals, poets, writers, open minded artists, and rich people , who if you were lucky to have one as a fan, could support you until you made it on your own.  I don't believe in luck.  You have to go after it and make it happen. Some people sell their souls, like a dance teacher lover of a relative who lover in order to survive had to do sexual favors for the woman who was elderly.  We've all done things that weren't kosher to get what we wanted.


   "We live in illusion and the 


   appearance of things. There is a 
       reality. We are that reality. When 
      you understand this, you see that 
          you are nothing, and being nothing 
    you are everything. That is all."


Buddha

I used to compare myself with others and felt inferior because they in a way were my gods.  I started surfing after I graduated from middle school (Grade 8).  It was a great summer and I had a lot of good friends.  People introduced me to other peope who in turn introduced me to others who were popular. I dated a lot, was a weight lifter, and enter the local dance contests, won at most, and even danced in contests on the Sam Riddle Show.  That summer was over before it started.  On my first day at High School (9th grade) I hung with a crowd of surfers who literally worshipped a guy in the 12th grade who who was a top surfer, owned a woody wagon, and had a way with the girls.  I did this for a few days until I heard him talk to a buddy in a low voice, "I wish these wannabe leeches would stop following me."  I learned a lesson that day:  to be myself and never walk in another's shadow.  And to be yourself, you has to be true to your heart.  I can't be you and and you can't be me. Each of us are who we are. Hanging out with a popular person is like
allowing someone to choose a cologne for you.  Every cologne a person wears will smell different on the next person.

The dilemma: follow the herd and be someone you're not in order to be liked by insecure people who need a mirror OR be true to yourself and face the consequences.  What others think of us is illusionary. They can never know us because they don't have the rite of passage through your soul.

"Throw your dreams into space like
a kite, and you do not not know
what it will bring back, a new
life, a new friend, a new love,
a new country."

Anais Nin

my mind's the
sea you sat under,
basho, when
you stared across the
sea at sado island

robert d. wilson
©2010         
it's cold
she tells me, pretending 
it's a joke . . .
an open window
with the shades drawn
















timeless, her
voice a changeling . . . 
summer night


the circus
today was usurped
by rain . . . 
the clowns on our floor
watching cartoons


ahead . . . 
the half life of dusk,
shading trees


why she played
god and wrestled 
the wind,
i'll never know . . . 
canyon echoes


the moment
between codas . . . 
breeding words


i am at
times unlike the bible
i don't read . . . 
a man trapped inside
the bathroom mirror


can stone and
dew share a petal?
fencing words


i prefer
the solitude
of calm . . . 
a theater of
song without thought


your mind . . . 
plays vibes in a pasture
of egrets


bent over,
she listens to the 
cadence beneath
the soil, singing it'd
way to the ocean


ipod and
bird song; sweet the
empty minf


my fee
love the caress of
wet fingers . . . 
just a dream,
chides icarus


wind, you
flatter me with touch . . . 
those thoughts!


a fool to
think you could love me,
an old man . . . 
inside a circus mirror
writing poetry


paste this words, 
sun, into your
reflection


am i in
dali's painting of the
toreador . . . 
erasing memories
with rainbows?


dragonfly . . .
carry my dreams across
the ocean


who's real
in the volcano's
bowels . . . 
brown skinned children
bowing to the reeds


laughter . . . 
tiptoes past a 
reticent moon


her feet,
like the egret's,
a still life
painted with breath
on a bamboo screen


our puppy
visits in the dreams we
can't remember


one more time,
the tic tock of dali's
twisted clocks . . . 
erasing the fence between
dreams and reality


at dawn,
when dreams rest . . . 
our breath


in the 
kitchen at dawn,
stirring the
puzzle's missing piece
into a cup of moon


shed your leaves,
tree, i want to see
all of you!


will the moon
dance tonight when
wolves howl . . . 
their pitiful songs;
the sky pouring milk


cicada,
is she worth dying for?
windsong


pigmy deer 
trod through the meadow 
of my dream . . . 
led by a shaman
shaking a sage brush


walking 
past lantern fish . . .
short night

she feeds me
fish and rice on the
day she
returns to the church . . . 
wearing blue denim jeans


starless night . . .
i close my eyes, sifting
silence


robert d. wilson
©2010

                                                        

Thursday, March 11, 2010

March 16, 2010


Robert D. Wilson's
The Wonderland Amusement Park
"Where nothing is as it seems . . ."



teach me, tree,
to be contented with
paper prayers

robert d. wilson
©2010

"The darkness which clings to every personality is the door into the unconscious and the gateway of dreams, from which those two
twilight figures, the shadow and the anima, step into our nightly
visions or, remaining invisible, take possession of our
ego-consciousness."
Carl Jung

"If we value independence, if we are disturbed by the growing conformity of knowledge, of values, of attitudes, which our present system induces, then we may wish to set up conditions of learning which make for uniqueness, for self-direction, and for self-initiated learning."

Carl Rogers

when autumn
strips me of leaves,
and silence
loses patience . . .
a still life egret

robert d. wilson
©2010

Many people today in the Western World still play "follow the leader.) It's called the herd instinct. Afraid to rock the boat, become a social outcast (Remember George Orwell's Animal Farm?) People in the herd are intimidated by those individuals who don't play by the herd's rules. "It's my football and if you don't let me be the team captain, I'll take my football home and you won't be able to play!" Insecure people find comfort in mirrors, not wanting to look bad or stand out.

If you think, dress, and like the same things they do, you become to them, anathema, someone to gossip about behind their backs and to avoid or ridicule in the company of others. Recently a man who called me a close friend, put me involuntarily on a right wing political opinion e-mail list that ridiculed our current president, calling him an imbecile and acting as if they had they were messengers of the light who knew more than those who elected him, and the list members were mean spirited, and raped with their words the unity Obama is tried to bring to the world. When I offered a diverse opinion, I was trashed verbally, and my friend said he was breaking off our friendship.

Wrote Edwin Markham in the last two lines of his poem, The Man With The Hoe:

"How will it be with kingdoms and with kings.
With those who shaped him to the thing he is?
When this dumb terror shall reply to God
After the silence of the centuries? "

I will never be a jack in the box and I will never understand why so many deride me behind my back when they have never met or spent more than a few minutes with me, or took the time to put down their goddamned mirrors and engage in an intelligent conversation where disagreement wasn't a threat or an indication that I an possessed with a giant ego, and what is egotism, but another world for an inferiority complex?

why the call,
when angels have wings
and buddha
eats popcorn outside
a videoke bar?

robert d. wilson
©2010

Why do people want to change everyone into a carbon copy of themselves and why do these same people look to the media owned by the rich and powerful without conscience as their role models? What is an individual? Why are they so threatening to secure people?

Wrote Buddha: "All that we are, arises with our thoughts."

What's the source of our thoughts? Monks wading through the synaptic relay system flashing on and off like lightening inside our heads, in a mass that's one fifth used? Manipulative media posing as reality, meting out information paid for by sociopathic leaders who care only about their needs and wants and to hell with anyone else? Who pays for the books in our school, the campaigns politicians run, the production of movies, owns the media, and thinks the world's a giant billboard to promote themselves in the guise of making our lives easier? Who gave the world Thalidomide? Who finances the music on teenage radio stations that call women bitches and instruct our children to act like gang members? Why is the quality of education in America and many other countries dropping? Why do countries REALLY go to war? Who orchestrated the stock market crash of 1929? Who had Kennedy and Martin Luther King Junior killed? Why can't American win a war anymore? Why does American oil companies export more oil than they import, and why then, the high prices?
buddha says
to want nothing . . .
christmas lights

robert d. wilson
©2010

I think of the poor in the Philippines (the majority are), and I see single mothers forced into prostitution in order to support their children. They hang out at night on their backs in smokey bats surrounded by christmas lights, looking up at disgusting drunks, pretending they love Pee Wee's playhouse, in order to buy diapers and formula. Or look for Americans online promising them the world, letting those online treat and talk to them like whores, flashing their penises and asking them for anal sex the first few seconds they chat? Fat old men who couldn't find a date if they wanted to in their own country who's 18-25 and beautiful!

They live in a country where 5% control the wealth, where the average pay is $75 to $150 monthly, the food's as expensive as in the West, where flush toilets with lids are rarities . . . what's a gas stove? a refrigerator? Healthy food, medical care, or an abode that isn't infested with cockroaches and rats, with ceilings three to four foot high, made of scrap metal and plastic, below billboards with famous movie stars posing in the latest fashions, driving the latest cars?

In America, poverty is hid better: inside of mortgages, high interest rates, soaring health insurance rates (50% or more in the U.S.A.) don't have adequate medical insurance, the minimum pay scale is impossible to live on, homeless families (not just drunks and drug addicts) live under bridges; squalid shacks abet the rims of every major city, and the White House is located two blocks away from some of the worst and most dangerous slums in the country. In America, everything's about image, just as it is in many other countries including China, India, the Philippines, and France. An image projected for what?

"There can be no tyrants where there are no slaves."
Jose Rizal
The man whose writings caused Filipinos
to stand up against the Spaniards and the
Roman Catholic Church and seek independence.
He was shot to death by a firing squad for the crime of
speaking up for what others were afraid to do, having
been slaves to fear.

I could not
be the sun
if I told
the moon to suckle
stars in darkness

robert d. wilson
©2010

"Change will not come if we wait
for some other person or some other
time. We are the ones we've been
waiting for. We are the change
that we seek."

Barrack Obama

the clouds
the clouds, the coolness
of base dreams . . .

robert d. wilson
©2010

I cannot tell you what to do, just as you cannot tell me what to do. We don't know each other nor wear each other's sandals. I am inconsistent, suffer from depression, and spent to long in the hole Alice fell onto; a dream within a dream painted by Salvadore Dali in the times between painting madness with hidden vaginas and canvases showing reverence to God.

Compare yourself with no one. Have the integrity and guts to be YOU or you'll one day forget who you are, and become a wind-up monkey clanging cheap metal symbols. No man is God and those who think they are, don't give a damn about you. All they care about is how they look and how much money they possess, because it is money and image that allow them to control politicians, the media, the contents of school textbooks, and you as people. They don't write their own speeches, and most don't send their children to war. Follow that still small voice inside your heart, and have the integrity to to be you and not another's clone. It's something we all can work on.

her hair . . .

thoughts forgetting

some day



where did the

sun and moon go?

in my world.

i walk through words

painted with emotions



the sun and

the doors it hides . . .

stolen seed



targeting who?

the man on the moon,

or, the man

you married and left

to sip alone with clouds?



the abyss

below me, smiles . . .

sleepless night



how did it

feel raping my mind,

magic man?

was it better

than raking leaves?


this morning

our dog beat the rooster . . .

high notes!



sordid, the

changes in your

persona . . .

ants on parade

carrying locusts



be my friend,

tree, teach me when

to shed



two more

days without slumber . . .

my love, a

spoiled child, playing

with barbie dolls



arid noon . . .

50 tadpoles racing

to the moon



there's hope . . .

her shoulders slump,

walking to

the car; a tea leaf

skimming emotions



addicted

to flirting with weeds . . .

summer drought



have i gone

too far, living in

a world,

without bubbles;

every wall a bargirl?



on the moon,

elbowing rosehips . . .

melon seeds



when autumn

strips me of leaves,

and silence

loses patience . . .

a still life egret



she asks the

poor monk for a loan . . .

twilight dusk



why the call,

when angels have wings,

and buddha

eats popcorn outside

a videoke bar?



render me,

an echo that yells . . .

canyon walls



gud a.m., po.

how can i answer

an angel . . .

swimming in the

pasig river?



a young boy

rides a two wheeled trike . . .

into dusk



today, the

same games, back and forth

through a net

like a goldfish

blowing bubbles



the warm sound

of words falling from

granite stone



a dream

free falling into

the mouth of

a python, wearing

a latex mask



chopping yams . . .

the sushi lady

thinks of home



if i'm

the jerk you say

i am,

stuff me inside

a circus canon



lunch time . . .

his angel stares at

spring onions



she's back

in the main arena . . .

my heart's eye

on the high wire

balancing to bows



buddha says

to want nothing . . .

christmas lights



buddha, i

like you as a man,

not a statue . . .

staring past the poor

without expression


summer warmth . . .

another day in

Manila


all, it seems,

want this and that . . .

friendship,

a toddler who

never learned to share


do i wait

alone for death?

dry leaves


it's good to

wake up to a cock's

aria . . .

the coolness of wind

chasing clumps of cloud


robert d. wilson

©2010